February 16th 2016.
My mom’s 1st Death Anniversary. One year full of rollercoaster ride. One faithful year that I have learn so much from everyone that is around me.
From my Friends, to my Enemy.
I gathered all of my Courage to go to her grave, not knowing what I will do or say to her. When I arrive, I was lost, I forgot where her grave located at. I arrive at 3 on the afternoon and just search and search for her grave until I find it.
Shocked is the first thing that comes, Anger is the second. My mom’s graveyard is not in a good condition. I was sad and angry, I don’t know what to do.
I tell her “Mom, I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I was afraid facing you, I feel very ashamed for my actions. I promise, if I have a job, I will make your grave clean and beautiful, I will fix this mom! I promise.”
I cried. I tell everything that I do for the past 1 year, and what secrets that I have been hiding from her. I cried and cried until my eyes are red and puffy.
It was so quiet and peaceful I never want to leave her grave, I was alone. I am alone.
I apologize for everything that I have done, and the things that I can’t do too please her. I ask her to give me direction and blessing for my Career and my Life.
It was 6pm, it’s getting dark. I get hold of myself and bid her goodbyes
“I have to go now mom, it’s getting dark. I hope I could meet you again, Goodbye my Mom, I Always Love You Mommy! And I’m Sorry…”
With that I hold back my tears, smile and left.