Secrets part 2

The girl becoming more attach to him. She fell in love, and feel very guilty because she is in love with a married man. He always look after her, like remembering her to eat and drink, pick her up, and much more. The thing is, he knows about her since he saw her. But she doesn’t know him at all. So there’s this picture of her at the raping incident. She didn’t know about those, but he knows. And when she tells him she has been raped before, he knows that she is the girl on the picture.

He started to describe the situation when she is raped, she just saying the same thing

“I don’t remember anything more about that incident, I just feel hopeless”

She felt a pain in her heart and out of nowhere she started to cry. He is shocked at the scene. He embraced her in a hug and ask

“it’s painful right? I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.”

She cried more harder and nodded.

Since that day everything between them is changing. If she is nowhere to be seen, her friends will ask him and vice versa. Deep down inside her she doesn’t want to be just a friend, she wanted more, but she knows she can’t because he already has a family. She know his wife and his children well, they like to play together. He consider her as a family member.

And he is always there until…

Secrets part 1

She was just a nice little girl. An ordinary girl who has fallen to the dark world because of her curiosity. She always wondering about the world, exploring the world alone. Without the guidance of anyone. She’s just like wild horse that can’t be tame by others. Until one decision that make her regret it her whole life.

When she became a rape victim, her world became falling apart. Traumatize by the incident, she can’t remember anything about that night, and her behavior started to change. And she wouldn’t dare to tell anyone, ever her mother. All that she remember was the cold floor, blood scent in the air and being not able to move. She didn’t even remember how she gets back home and her mother even didn’t notice her.

Years past after the incident, her behavior becoming worst. She treat herself like a prostitute, because she thought that she is worthless and don’t have any pride left. She has 2 worlds the normal and the dark one. She can act innocent in front of her friends and families but change into a slut-like when she’s with another person.

Until one day, she went into a new community and meet a men as her mentor. Her mentor seems like a funny guy, a humorous kind a guy, but she feels something different about him. She feels the presence of a Dominant, cold hearted guy. Out of nowhere they becoming a close friend. She felt protected with him around.

And she started to tell her secrets to him.

My Life

My name is Eire. I was 15 when I was got this idea to write my own story. I’ve tried to write it since then, but many things got in the way. Recently my Mom died, when i was 16. It was the most confusing day of my life. Don’t worry, I’m 17 now. But the truth is nothing is becoming better.

Here we go, I was born in Jakarta, Indonesia on 9th of September 1998. My mom gives birth on her own without the company of my Father. My mom is really strong. She raised me until I’m 16, so 16 years plus 9 months on her belly. My story that most people know is sweet, fairy tale like. My mom will give me almost everything, she’s the best. She also good at keeping a secret from me either.

From I was a little kid my mom always said “if someone asks you where your father is, just said that he’s dead, so they will not ask much.” That sentence is always there in my mind like a spell. Until when I was 10 or something, I keep asking my mom about my father story, then she begins telling me that they separated, and maybe still alive. Truth hits me like a train. I was becoming sort of depressed. I’ve begin to cut my wrists. I can’t believe all the time she just lied to me like that. I join a Performing arts class and my teacher caught me while my hands are bleeding in the balcony. I was 12 years old. I told him what happened, and I ask him to keep it a secret from my mom.

I’ve becoming distant with my mom. I thought that it was fair for me to keep secrets too now. I was really disappointed with my mom. And wishing that she just be dead already. She in the other hand keeps meeting with some guys from all over the internet. I just don’t like it. It’s like my mom is a “Slut” or something. Until she meet this guy, that I will not forget what he did to her. He seems nice at first. But I just like straight don’t like him. I always tell my mom that I don’t like him but it seems that she is being drugged or something. He’s abusive. He is temperamental. He gets me and my mom more distant. I don’t like the fact that my mom cared more to the guy that she meets than her own daughter. I’m getting more wild and desperate to go out.

I was getting trigger to kill myself even more. I cut, eating pills, but I just can’t seem to die already. I’ve got a bad feeling that everything that I said will be come true. So I shift my mind to my new obsession for letting out the pain, its Music, Japanese and Korean stuff.

In school and around other people I look like an innocent little 15 years old girl that doesn’t know anything about the world. Only some people could see the real me. I used to get home like at 11 or something because it was better for me to go outside than at home. I always think of being killed on the road or being kidnapped or just get my organs sell to some black market somewhere, its much better than being at home.

Until I know this game called INGRESS. It’s a game that used GPS locating system so we have to walk to play this game. I meet new friends and get to see new places that my mom never takes me. I’m 16 years old and I’m going on my own adventures. My mom gets sick all of a sudden and things started to change.

I still don’t care about her, or my love for her doesn’t exist anymore. My mom gets kicked out from her own room by that guy. Because that guy feel disgust by my mom sickness. My mom has a diabetic so a small wound could turn into a big one. I feel just anger and that all of my dreams and my words came true and she still didn’t want to accept the fact. I leave her, and just keep being outside of the house more often.

Eventually she gets rid of the guy but her death is near. And on the 16th of February 2015 at 4.45pm she died. I was so relieve but confused in the same time. I have a feeling three days before she died, that she will die within a short moment. I still cut till this day. I can’t get my senses back. I’m tired of being Alive.

And now, until this moment i don’t know if i still loves her or hates her. I feel guilty and i don’t know what to do anymore.

Cyruss

So I know this guy, he’s really kind, but at first I didn’t know how to even say “Hi” to him. He’s not really caring, not very handsome, but somehow when the first time I saw him, I feel really nice, safe, comfortable around him. I don’t know if he ever noticed me before. I always thought that he is not in my league.

Until one day, I don’t know how but we started becoming like a friend. I have a crush on him. My heart always beats fast when I’m around him. I can’t control myself better. Until that fateful day when my mom passed away, he cared about me. I tell him almost all of my secrets, even the one that I don’t even bear to tell anyone. I don’t know why I do it actually.

I love him even more when he accept me. He accept my past, and keep helping me to handle myself if I’m in a suicidal thoughts. He always said

“you’re talking nonsense again, go to sleep.”

And I don’t know why, I always do what he said. He is really kind to me. He said he will always be there for me, Until…

We had a fight. I have some issues with my two characters side, Dissociative Identity Disorder. He leave me and since then, we didn’t talk again. But he promise not to leave me. My heart was broken.

Fate brought us together again when I join the new group. He’s in it. He’s one of the leaders in the group actually. We fight once and I quit that group. But all the other members forcing me to go back to the group. Out of nowhere I apologize to him. And our story begins once more.

He visited me more often. I cry in his arms, I like the feeling being wrap in his arms. I could sleep well because of him. He is like my own Chloroform. His presence always making me feel in bliss, in heaven of comfort. I never want him to leave my side, but I can’t do that. We both still have our classes. One thing for sure, I have burden him more that I should.

But I can’t do nothing about it. I feel attach to him. He’s like my Oxygen I can’t bear to live without him. He makes a new nickname for me “Polar Bear” and he wants me to called him “Vampire”. but i like to called him “Piggy” because it is cute. he will be angry if he sees this..

Want to know the hardest part is? I can’t keep falling in love with him. I’m scared that i will make another mistakes and he will leave me. Like in the past. I know I have a thick skin and solid rock head, but I’m willing to change even though its hard. I love him. I will always do.

A human has fallen for a Vampire.